Let’s talk about addressing envelopes for weddings and formal events!
Building your guest list and preparing to address envelopes can be a daunting task. Give yourself plenty of time for this part of the process. Below is a little guide that will help you along the way.
If you have someone in your life who you are not sure what title they use or their relationship status – ask them! It is important to keep in mind that these rules are intended to help. If something does not make sense for a particular person in your life use your common sense. Remember etiquette rules exist to help guide our behavior and improve our relationships with other! Don’t be afraid to bend a rule when you know it does not serve a particular situation.
Married Couples
Married couple male and female
Mr. and Mrs. John Robert Smith
Married couple male and female when the male does not like or does not use middle name
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Married couple male and male
Mr. John Smith and Mr. Robert Smith
The Messrs. Smith
Married couple female and female
Mrs. Jane Smith and Mrs. Sally Brown (different last names)
The Mesdames Smith (same last name)
Unmarried Couples
Traditional etiquette demands that unmarried couple’s names list each name on separate lines – do not use the word and. More modern etiquette will say that couples who are married or otherwise partnered are fine to put on one line and join with the word and. So what to do? We like to say you know your personal comfort level and, even more importantly, you know your family and friends. I don’t know of any unmarried couples who are going to lose sleep over the names on their envelope to your wedding being listed as two lines or one so we suggest you don’t either. Do what feels right.
A few questions that might help:
- Is it a pretty new relationship and/or the couple does not live together? Do two lines
- Is this a long term partnership with no intention to get married? Do one line and join with and
- Are their names incredibly long and will look ridiculous trying to squeeze it all on one line? Do two lines.
Whatever you choose, use “title first name last name” for both people or if you prefer simply “first name late name”
Who to list first?
Traditionally, the woman comes first in social correspondence. So list the female and then the male. For same sex couples or gender neutral couples, you can list in alphabetical order. Or often people will list the person they are more connected to.
Ms. or Miss?
We get this question quite often. And it can be a difficult one. Traditionally Miss was used until marriage. We now use it typically until around 30 for an unmarried woman.
The Mx. Title
This title is used for those who do not identify as being of a particular gender, or for people who simply don’t want to be identified by gender. It simply replaces the gender specific titles. Then follow the rules for coupling if applicable.
Mx. Taylor Smith and guest
Mx. Taylor Smith and Mr. John Smith
photo and calligraphy by The Left Handed Calligrapher
Children under 18
List children’s names on a separate line under the parents. First name only is fine for the kiddos. Titles are at your discretion. Without a title just the first name is fine. With titles use the last name.
Children over 18
Technically anyone over 18 should receive their own invitation. If you choose to include over 18 people on their parent’s invitation then list on their own line and use the title first name last name.
Special Titles
We typically do not use professional designations for social occasions (e.g. attorneys, school principals, Chefs). However, if someone is customarily addressed by their professional title, then go ahead and use it.
Judges, military, elected officials, etc. use “The Honorable” for title
The Honorable John Smith
The Honorable and Mrs. John Smith
The Honorable Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith
Doctors
Doctor and Mrs. John Smith
Doctor Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith